Breaking: Aristotle Claims Earth is Round, Rubs It in Flat-Earthers’ Faces

In a shocking turn of events, renowned philosopher Aristotle has come forward with a groundbreaking claim that the Earth is indeed round, much to the chagrin of flat-earthers around the world. In an exclusive interview with The Daily Satire, Aristotle confidently stated, “Yes, it’s true. The Earth is round, not flat. Sorry, flat-earthers, but you’ve been barking up the wrong tree.”

This revelation has sent shockwaves through the flat-earther community, with many staunch believers refusing to accept Aristotle’s claim. In fact, some have even accused Aristotle of being part of a vast conspiracy to spread “round Earth propaganda” and undermine the “truth” of a flat Earth. Flat-earther Facebook groups are abuzz with comments like, “Aristotle is just another puppet of Big Globe” and “Round Earth lies are crumbling!”

Aristotle, however, remains unfazed by the backlash. “The evidence is overwhelming,” he declared confidently. “Astronomers have observed the curvature of the Earth from space, and ships disappear over the horizon due to the Earth’s curvature. Plus, the ancient Greeks had already deduced that the Earth is a sphere based on the circular shape of its shadow during lunar eclipses. It’s time to face the facts, folks.”

Despite Aristotle’s logical arguments and scientific evidence, flat-earthers continue to cling to their absurd theories. Some have even taken to social media to challenge Aristotle to a “flat Earth debate,” claiming they have “irrefutable proof” that the Earth is flat. One flat-earther commented, “I challenge Aristotle to a duel of syllogisms! Let’s settle this once and for all: Flat Earth vs. Round Earth, mano a mano.”

In response to such challenges, Aristotle has taken a witty and sarcastic approach, stating, “Sure, I’ll debate you as soon as you can provide me with empirical evidence that the Earth is flat. Oh wait, you can’t, because it’s not! Nice try, though.”

In a surprising turn of events, some flat-earthers have resorted to drastic measures to prove their point. A group of them embarked on an ill-fated expedition to find the “edge” of the flat Earth, armed with compasses and protractors. Needless to say, they never returned, and their social media accounts have gone eerily silent. Aristotle couldn’t resist a cheeky comment, quipping, “Looks like they fell off the edge of reason.”

In an attempt to further rub it in the faces of flat-earthers, Aristotle has started a new trend on social media called the “Round Earth Challenge.” He’s been encouraging people to post selfies with globes or round objects, along with the hashtag #RoundEarthRocks. The challenge has gained traction, with people from all over the world proudly displaying their “spherical” solidarity.

In conclusion, Aristotle’s claim that the Earth is round has ignited a fiery debate between the round Earth and flat Earth communities. Despite overwhelming evidence, flat-earthers continue to hold onto their outdated and baseless beliefs. Meanwhile, Aristotle remains steadfast in his assertion that the Earth is indeed round, and he’s not afraid to rub it in the faces of flat-earthers with his witty retorts and clever social media campaign. As the debate rages on, one thing is clear: Aristotle has dealt a decisive blow to the flat Earth theory, leaving flat-earthers scrambling for explanations as their absurd claims continue to unravel in the face of reason and scientific evidence.


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