Are you worried about passing the upcoming loyalty test? Do you fear that your own thoughts and feelings might get in the way of proving your undying devotion to your government? Well fear not, because we’ve got you covered with this step-by-step guide on how to suppress your own thoughts and feelings and ace that loyalty test!
Step 1: Deny Your Own Experiences
The first and most important step to passing the loyalty test is to deny your own experiences. If you’ve had any negative experiences with the government or its policies, simply pretend they never happened. Convince yourself that any criticism of the government is just unpatriotic and misguided, and that your own experiences don’t matter when compared to the greater good of the country.
Step 2: Blindly Believe Everything You’re Told
The second step is to blindly believe everything you’re told. If the government says something is true, it must be true, right? Don’t bother fact-checking or questioning the information you receive. Remember, the government knows what’s best for you and the country, so you should just trust them completely.
Step 3: Repeat Government Propaganda
To really prove your loyalty, you need to be able to regurgitate government propaganda at a moment’s notice. Memorize key talking points and repeat them whenever possible. If someone challenges your beliefs, just repeat the propaganda louder and more confidently until they back down.
Step 4: Report Any Suspicious Activity
If you want to really impress the government, you need to report any suspicious activity you see. That guy walking down the street with a backpack? Definitely a terrorist. That neighbor who never leaves his house? Definitely up to something nefarious. Don’t worry about being wrong or ruining someone’s life – it’s better to be safe than sorry.
Step 5: Turn in Your Friends and Family
If you really want to prove your loyalty, you need to be willing to turn in your friends and family. If you hear someone speaking out against the government, report them immediately. Remember, loyalty to the government comes before loyalty to anyone else.
Step 6: Conform to Social Norms
To really fit in with the government’s idea of a loyal citizen, you need to conform to social norms. Dress like everyone else, talk like everyone else, and think like everyone else. Don’t have any unique ideas or opinions – just follow the herd and you’ll be fine.
Step 7: Surrender Your Privacy
Finally, to prove your loyalty to the government, you need to surrender your privacy. Allow the government to monitor your phone calls, emails, and internet activity. Let them install cameras in your home and track your every move. Remember, if you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear.
And there you have it – our step-by-step guide to suppressing your own thoughts and feelings and passing that loyalty test with flying colors! Just remember, your own individuality and critical thinking skills are a small price to pay for proving your loyalty to the government.
The Tatty Journal 