In a groundbreaking study that is sure to shake up the world of science, researchers have found that right arm users are actually the real superhumans. This comes as a shock to many who have spent their entire lives believing that their left arm was just as capable as their right.
The study, which was conducted over the course of several years, involved observing the physical abilities of people who primarily use their right arm for daily activities such as writing, eating, and even brushing their teeth. The results were clear: right arm users were found to have superior strength, agility, and overall physical prowess compared to their left-arm-dominant counterparts.
“The evidence is irrefutable,” said Dr. Arnold Johnson, lead researcher on the study. “Right arm users simply possess a level of physical ability that is unmatched by their left-arm counterparts. We believe this is due to a combination of genetics, lifestyle factors, and perhaps even a bit of luck.”
The findings have caused quite a stir among lefties, who have long been marginalized in a society that is geared towards right-handedness. “It’s just not fair,” lamented left-handed activist Amanda Green. “We’ve been told our whole lives that we’re just as capable as righties, but now it turns out that they’re the real superhumans? It’s a slap in the face.”
Many right-handed individuals, on the other hand, have seized on the opportunity to gloat about their newfound superiority. “I’ve always known that I was special,” said righty Jake Thompson. “Now there’s scientific proof that my right arm is more powerful than my left? It’s like Christmas came early.”
Some have even begun to use their right arm as a status symbol, flaunting their physical abilities in public and even going so far as to wear shirts with slogans like “Right Arm, Righteous Might” and “Left Arm Lame.”
The implications of the study are far-reaching, with some experts predicting that right arm users could soon be ruling the world. “We’ve always known that physical ability plays a crucial role in determining who rises to the top,” said political analyst Susan Rodriguez. “Now that we have scientific proof that righties are physically superior, it’s only a matter of time before they take over.”
In response to the study, left-handed individuals have begun to band together, forming support groups and even staging protests. “We refuse to be relegated to second-class status,” said Green. “We may not have the physical abilities of righties, but we have other strengths that are just as valuable.”
Despite the controversy surrounding the study, one thing is certain: the world will never be the same now that we know that right arm users are the real superhumans. Only time will tell what the future holds for lefties, but one thing is for sure: they won’t be going down without a fight.
The Tatty Journal 