Are you struggling with anxiety? Does the mere thought of leaving your house send your heart racing and your palms sweating? Well, have no fear! There is a simple solution to your problems: just think positive thoughts until you pass out.
Yes, it sounds too good to be true, but trust us, it works. All you have to do is close your eyes, take a deep breath, and start thinking happy thoughts. Imagine yourself frolicking in a field of flowers, or lounging on a beach with a tropical drink in your hand. Before you know it, all of your worries will melt away and you’ll be sound asleep, dreaming of rainbows and unicorns.
Of course, we understand that some of you might be skeptical. You might be thinking, “But what about all the real problems in my life? How can thinking happy thoughts possibly solve those?” Well, let us tell you, it’s all about perspective. Sure, you might have bills to pay, a boss who hates you, and a partner who’s cheating on you, but why focus on all of that when you could just imagine yourself on a cloud, soaring through the sky?
Think about it: your brain is like a computer, and your thoughts are the software. If you’re running a negative program, like “Oh no, I’m going to fail my big presentation tomorrow,” then of course you’re going to feel anxious. But if you switch to a positive program, like “I’m going to crush my presentation and everyone will love me,” then suddenly everything feels much more manageable.
Now, we know that some of you might be thinking, “But I’ve tried positive thinking before, and it didn’t work.” To that, we say: you weren’t positive enough. You need to really commit to the happy thoughts, until they completely overwhelm any negative thoughts you might be having. If you find yourself slipping back into negative territory, just picture a cute kitten or a baby laughing. It’s impossible to feel anxious when you’re looking at a cute kitten.
Of course, there are some naysayers out there who will tell you that positive thinking is just a way to avoid dealing with real problems. But honestly, who needs real problems when you can just close your eyes and pretend you’re in a magical forest? We’re not saying you should ignore your responsibilities completely, but why not take a little mental vacation every once in a while? You’ll come back feeling refreshed and ready to tackle whatever life throws your way.
So there you have it, folks. The secret to conquering anxiety is as simple as thinking positive thoughts until you pass out. Try it tonight and see for yourself. And if it doesn’t work, well, maybe you’re just not cut out for happiness. But we’re pretty sure you’ll be snoring in no time.
The Tatty Journal 